How to Tell Your Loser Friend You Don't Want to Hang Out Anymore. You’ve got problems, I’ve got advice. This advice isn’t sugar- coated—in fact, it’s sugar- free, and may even be a little bitter.

Welcome to Tough Love. This week we have a drinking buddy who has overstayed her welcome, a hurt wife who doesn’t know how to forgive her cheating husband, and a young go- getter who’s a little too eager for his own good. You’ve got problems, I’ve got advice. This advice isn’t sugar- coated—in fact, it’s sugar- free, and…Read more Read. Keep in mind, I’m not a therapist or any other kind of health professional—just a guy who’s willing to tell it like it is. I simply want to give you the tools you need to enrich your damn lives.

If for whatever reason you don’t like my advice, feel free to file a formal complaint here. Now then, let’s get on with it.

Hi Patrick,I had a roommate in my hometown maybe 1. It didn’t end well. She is a real mooch, she has ZERO issue asking for anything, and she was a shit roommate (gross, messy, etc).

Maybe a year after the fact, we settled things and became friends again. We didn’t hang out a whole lot, but would sometimes do the “Hey everyone I’m going to [bar] tonight” and she’d be one of those people. Fast forward and I’ve been living in my new city for 5+ years. She came up here to visit a guy she met online, but things didn’t work out with that guy. Still, she loved this city so much she decided to move here.

In fact, when she came to look at apartments a few months later, she asked a month ahead of time if she could crash with me. I told her no, I’m not comfortable with guests at my place. The night before she gets here, she tells me her Airbnb fell through and asked again—I said no.

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I’m constantly having to say no to protect my boundaries and it’s exhausting and extremely anxiety- inducing. I tell her I am very busy, and I’m also in the beginning of a new relationship so I’m spending a lot of time with that person.

She doesn’t have activities other than going out and drinking. Almost every other day she’ll text, “Hey lady! Let me know if you want to hang out sometime soon/this week/etc!” But I don’t. I have my own circle of friends and I don’t really want her in that circle of friends. Maybe that sounds selfish? I don’t think she would really connect with a lot of them anyways, and all she wants to do is go out and eat or drink.

I no longer hang out at bars all the damn time. I don’t want to completely cut her out, because I do genuinely like hanging out with her. But I have to really be up for it, and I’m usually not. I kind of feel bad that she’s lonely, but I never promised anything to her. How do I move forward with this? Thanks,Don’t want to be a dick, but don’t want to hang out.

Hey Not- a- Dick (sorry, can’t pronounce your full name): This person is not your friend. At most, they are a “drinking buddy” you were trapped in an apartment with. I’ll get to your problem in a second, but first let me breakdown what a drinking buddy is for the viewers at home. A drinking buddy: Is always saying stuff like, “Let’s hang out!” but when you ask what they have in mind they always say “Let’s grab drinks somewhere!” If you suggest something else, they always find a way to make drinking part of the plan. Is only fun to be around when you’ve been drinking yourself. Will give you a hard time if you don’t feel like going to a bar or restaurant armed with liquor. Shouts stuff like “Norm!” when you walk into the bar they frequent, even if that’s not your name.

Drinking buddy relationships are different than actual friendships because you don’t actually like each other all that much. When you become “friends,” it’s really just a matter of mutual intoxication, then things bloom from there. When you drink with this person, you have a good time, but outside of that environment it’s a wash. There’s nothing genuine about it, even if it feels like it is.

Back to your issue: you’ve since moved on and grown out of this “party all the time” phase. Good for you. She hasn’t, and by the sounds of things, she won’t any time soon. That means your sole connection with this person—the drinking—is no longer in play. She is just an ex- roommate now.

You clearly have no serious interest in hanging out with her, so it’s time to make that clear. You’re right, her happiness and loneliness is not your responsibility. And honestly, hanging out with someone because you feel pity for them is messed up. For all we know, she thinks you’re her best friend and has no idea you don’t like her very much. You don’t want to totally “cut her out,” but you need to. For yourself and for her. And it needs to be a clean cut.

When she texts you to hang out, just keep saying “No thanks!” until she gets the hint. You don’t have to feel bad about not doing something you don’t want to do, Not- a- Dick. If she doesn’t stop, or gets needy, treat her like a bad online date and ghost. I normally wouldn’t suggest that, but this person is poisonous and stresses you out. Handle it. Ever had friends or family who somehow manage to turn a quick meeting into a four hour ordeal?…Read more Read.

I’ve been married to my husband for almost 7 years. I’ve been by his side through his entire Navy career.

All the deployments and outings, they were rough but we got through it. We connect like we’re the same person, just different genders.

It’s amazing and he is my best friend. He is the only guy I’ve ever 1. But I found out whilst on one of his deployments, he was unfaithful, and now I don’t feel that connection as well as I once did.

He was never going to tell me, either. I heard it through the grapevine and asked him about it, then he confessed. I went for about a month without speaking to him, I couldn’t even utter a “hello” when he got home from work—without busting out into tears, that is. That passed and we hang out and have fun together, but I’ve been unable to be intimate with him.

I decided to forgive him, or attempt to forgive him, rather. But it’s harder than I could ever imagine. He is the last person I ever thought would hurt me.

So, should I just run away? Should I stick it out and try to fix this? Do you think I’ll ever be able to just let it go and be intimate with him again? Thank you for your advice! Confused Wifey. Hey Confused Wifey: A sage Pinterester once told me that trust is like a glass. Once broken, it shatters into a million pieces.

You can try to put it back together, but it will never look the way it once did.. That’s stupid. Don’t run away, Confused Wifey.

Life is difficult and messy, but don’t let it overpower you. What your husband did is hurtful and inexcusable, without a doubt.

But just because the illusion of your fairy tale romance has dissipated doesn’t mean real love—the kind that lasts through thick and thin—has to go with it. Things were perfect before, and now they’re not. This is how real- life stories unfold. There is no magic, there is no happily ever after; there is just love. You get to decide if the love is still there. You get to decide if the story continues.

You have every right to feel the way you feel, but it sounds to me that you want to fight. So I think you should fight, Confused Wifey. Now, since I’m not an expert in this field, and this is a serious subject, I’m going to share with you some tips from Lifehacker contributor Vanessa Marin, licensed marriage therapist. She recommends you get the facts straight about the infidelity first (without the gory details). Was this a one- time thing?

Was this purely physical?